Remembering My Daughter


My daughter in late 2004

February 12th is both a happy and a sad day for me, happy in that it is the day I celebrate the birth of my daughter, but sad in remembering that our relationship has been sundered for well over 7-1/2 years now.  She has now been lost to me for nearly a third of her life.

Every parent constantly worries about their child – are they healthy, will they succeed in school, can they make the team…  I do too, but sadly, there is no feedback.  I have no way of knowing anything about the state of my daughter – where she is, what she’s doing, whether she’s healthy, happy, sad … anything.  All I know is that for some reason, a couple days after her mother and I split, all communication stopped.

Without communication, there cannot be relationship.  Without communication, there cannot be reconciliation.  Without communication, there cannot be healing.  And, in my case, without communication, I do not even know what caused this break, nor what I can do to resolve it.  It is a position of powerlessness.

Now, I could espouse theories about why all of this happened, and many have been voiced to me, and many more have formed within my own mind; but none of that really matters: there are no facts to guide such speculation, no way to confirm whether any of these theories have any semblance of accuracy or truth to them.

On the other hand, none of those theories, nor even how all this started, really matters any more. What matters to me is whether my daughter is OK, and whether she’s been able to build a successful and fulfilling life for herself.  I hope that – someday – I will find out.

In some ways, this reminds me of our own walks of faith.  Outside of our faith, we don’t really know why we’re here.  Outside of our faith, we don’t really know when or how our stories will end.  And, we don’t really know – outside of faith – whether there is any hope for us beyond the ending that we know is on the road somewhere ahead of us.  All that keeps us going is our faith, our faith in a loving God, our faith that God placed us here on earth for a reason, our faith that God loves us beyond human measure.

And so, I claim that love that God offers us; and I claim that hope.  I may not know where my daughter is now, nor how she is doing, whether she is happy and healthy or not; but I have faith that we will meet again, faith that the pain that has separated us for so long will be healed, faith that she will once again know that she does have a father who loves her dearly, more than life itself, faith that Our God in Heaven loves both of us beyond measure.

Have a Blessed and Happy Birthday my sweet girl, and may this coming year be filled with beauty, peace and healing for you.

Author: Allen

A would be historian turned IT Professional who responded to the call to the Ministry, and is now focused on social justice and community service. He is a father of two (ages 28 & 7). He and his wife enjoy life near Boston. You can follow Pastor Allen on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/PastorAllenV/ or on Twitter @allenvm3.

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